Pre Christmas and we are home

Sunday December 20

Tuesday was blood test day again, my platelets went up, 112 to 116, and my WBC stayed just above the lower limit so chemo was a go.  Sue and I found ourselves dancing around the office, excited to be able to do chemo.  Go figure.  This was the first time I did three rounds (although it seems longer this is only month two of treatment) so I was curious about how I would react.  Wednesday was fine and I even managed to stay up after treatment instead of napping.  I walked slowly on the treadmill and fell into bed early.  Unfortunately steroids are good for some things but apparently not for sleeping.

Thursday we tried to get Adele tickets for July.  Who gets them when we push the button at 10, wait for 20-30 minutes for our turn and of course they are gone.  There were two days available so we were on different computers, one for each day, each with the same result.  Guess you have to push before 10 to be in the first wave....so it goes.

I was cleared to travel to Milwaukee for an overnight.  We left Jessie and Raoul home together to take care of each other.  Terri, Sue's niece, was graduating from nursing school, Kim their cousin was pinning Terri and her Dad, fiancee, daughter, aunt, and friend were there as well  The flight was easy--I slept.  We had dinner and then went to the ceremony which was nice.  We were all very proud of her.  Drinks and appetizers after in the bar and then at 9:00 I faded.  I was pretty proud of myself as well.  But I crashed on Friday.  Sue and I got up slowly and headed over to Terri's to visit with her, Eric and Bob.  A little breakfast and I hit the sofa and got up several hours later.  A little lunch and I hit the sofa, sitting this time but still pretty tired.  Where are those steroids when you need them.  So I decided that I apparently am sick, I couldn't have done anything else if I tried.  Got some energy in time to go to the airport, another easy flight, I read this time.  Came home to the cold and just couldn't get warm so ate dinner took a warm bath and crawled into bed.  Feeling better this morning.

I have to thank Sue for trying to keep me from getting winter sickness, she lets me off at the door in the rain and picks me up at the door in the cold, trying to keep colds and flu at bay. Yesterday we went to a One Voice Concert at Hamline.  Our friend Colleen sings in the choir.  Fun holiday music and of course the "12 days of Christmas" sing along.  Groups around the room get a day and have to stand up to sing when their day comes along.  You guessed it, we got the first day of Christmas.  And then everyone stands for 5 golden rings....The show started at 3:00, my nap time so a little rest during the first half

and I was ready for the challenge.  Made it!  But next year I want to be in the "12th day of Christmas" group.

It has been fun to be getting Christmas cards, letters and greetings from friends and family.  It is always nice to be in touch and catch up.  Hoping for some snow this week.  This is my week off, how lucky is that!  Happy Solstice tomorrow.  Wishing everyone Peace and Happiness.

Every day is different

Wednesday December 9--Boy it turns out chemo day took it out of both of us today.  A stop at the PO to mail Christmas packages, then Target for a few things and then home where Nancy went straight to bed.  A good 2 1/2 hour nap.  We talked about spaghetti for dinner and now after Sue's low key afternoon we are moving to the idea of cereal.  My nausea from the past two weeks is for the most part gone so eating and sleeping are both easier.

Yesterday was blood test day, a bathtub fix at the condo-two trips, finished wrapping packages to go and gifts that stay here, another long nap and still I was dragging and down in the dinker dos again.  It comes out of nowhere.  Fortunately my blood tests were a go for chemo, now I just have to will my platelets to stay up for next week--wish that was all it took.  When I tell people at chemo that I am tired they nod and say, "well yes, that is what happens with chemo."  Can it happen to someone else please and/or give me a little warning?  I periodically just melt into tears over nothing.  Saturday night I didn't want to be downstairs alone on the treadmill--good thing there is a bike upstairs.

My toque from Gisele and Peter

People think we are busier now than when we were home between trips.  The difference--all our activities make the list, they are the exciting components rather than the in-between chores we used to do.  It is hard to be too busy when we sleep late, eat breakfast, take a shot, get organized, maybe go out, eat lunch, get home in time to nap, walk for half an hour, hang out in the office, eat dinner and go to bed early.  We pack the time when we are out very full, but it is never really very long.

Aretha sings Pink Cadillac 

This week included a trip to the vet (Jessie is very healthy), art shows, a basketball game, dinner out, a post wedding party, walks at the mall (where I continue to pose patiently for pictures, visits with friends, an outing to Costco with lunch at Bambu where we get our favorite chicken and potato dish and watching Green Bay win tonight.  And the big news, I am cleared to fly to Milwaukee on Thursday to see Terri graduate from nursing school.  Pretty cool on all fronts.

I am practicing being grateful when people want to help, when Sue wants to drop me at the front door of places when it is raining.  I do not feel sick, I do not want to be sick, I want everything to turn back to normal.  So if I bite when I should smile, I apologize.  As some friends say--we are all learning how to do this cancer thing, and my part of that is to learn to be grateful in the moment.  In the big picture I am ever so grateful for all of you who read my blog, send prayers out loud or silently and walk with me on this journey.  There is no way that I could do it without each and everyone one of you.

At the vet

There is a long term to all of this that needs lots of hope and positivity that so easily gets lost in the moment--I go back to my morning mantra.  I am healthier today than yesterday, I am here today, tomorrow and the next day and then I am here this year, next year and the year after.  I keep my animal posse with me--the raven, the eagle, the spirit bear and the whale.

And in the meantime, a chemo quirk.  My hair is still falling out but some of the hair that remains is growing, it is less prickly and has little tufts in places.  I also have a dark triangle shaped spot right in the middle of my forehead, the rest is gray.   I keep telling Sue I need a haircut.  How weird is all that.

Not sure where the time goes.

What's been happening:  Before Scott came we finished decorating the tree--it looks good this year.  We had to clear out the ice and leaves from on top of the gutter guards, ice was dripping down on to the driveway. We walked at the mall over the weekend, not Black Friday as Sue inadvertently suggested at one point, and Nancy found her peeps there, posing with a few at Nordstrom's.  Mostly a quiet weekend resting up after Thanksgiving and enjoying leftovers.

Scott, my brother, was here Monday to Friday.  Of course the snowblower did not start on Monday when we needed it, but the driveway plowers arrived in time.  Scott and I went to the genetics counselor together to get the results of possible hereditary causes for my cancer.  Turns out my sister and I have familial pancreatic cancer but I do not have any known genes which would have put me at risk.  Good news for my brother and my nieces and nephews--they do not have to follow the genetics path and increased risk that can come with that.

After a walk outside we sent to see Creed to celebrate and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Good like the first Rocky movie and invoked that memory at all the right times.  Wednesday was the doc and chemo.  I laid out my two weeks of nausea and vomiting and asked for help.   Left with more pills to add to the ones I had gained during the two weeks.  It is Sunday, no nausea since Tuesday.....Keep your fingers crossed.  Not sure how I will figure out which arm of the assault did the trick, but will just keep riding the wave for now.  Lay low night after an outside walk and Scott and I started a jigsaw puzzle.  Thursday we went to the mall to walk and shop.

Sue and I go to Loaves and Fishes with Mary and Colleen's Rotary club so Scott joined us for that.  We help prepare dinner, serve up meals, deliver the meals to our guests, do dishes, clean up and scrub up. Had only a little over 100 folks this time which is low. Food was not our favorite but guests were ok with it. Flour soft shells with turkey or beef, peppers and onions, salad, fruit, and black bean soup. Had a good crew so it went smoothly and was a fun night.  It is a good group of people, clients and helpers included.

Watched the Green Bay game but all of us went to bed before the final game winning play. Yea Pack!  Never give up....is the lesson learned.

Scott left Friday, Sue and I went to an art show downtown St Paul and then I had a massage--followed by a two hour nap.  This seems to be about the time that the up from chemo steroids wears off and sleep feels good.  Saturday we went to two art shows (found a few gifts) and a men's basketball game, with a new hat, and a women's basketball game tonight.  David came over this morning and we worked on Patty's estate. Almost done. Yea. So I can't figure out why I (we) am (are) tired and my(our) to do list is growing.

What I really wonder is whether to set aside time each day to meditate/do guided imagery to keep stoking the positive attitude I need to keep going, write, read and exercise or....just go do all the other stuff and let that be the manifestation of a positive attitude.  I think there is an answer that has some balance of both of these, not to mention my naps.  I just have to work harder to schedule the mental health time and be sure to keep doing all that I can as an important forward momentum.  To that end, it is nap time, Sue will read this and add what I have forgotten, then we will add pictures.

Chemo and shots are both going well, chemo dose was lowered due to last month's platelet tank--they were up to 357 this week.  My hair continues to thin--I call it that awkward in-between stage. It is so hard to keep it controlled....my hats are fun. It is confusing that chemo and my shots are the reminders that I have cancer, oh and the hair, but other then the 2 weeks of nausea I have no symptoms.  I still know that chemo can build up and symptoms can change as we go forward, for now I am grateful that everything can be handled and allows room for doing things that let the time fly.

Post Script from Sue:  I have to stop watching Nancy exercise and really do it with her!!!!!!
I seemed to have just stopped. And to deal with all this I have to not eat more. My stomach which has always been an issue and  is now really going nuts. So eating more or junk just makes it worse. (Nancy here--that popcorn at the game yesterday just tasted so good) We have maintained our sense of humor and fun but I must admit that I am prone to tears and sadness much more than I ever have been. Keeping the great attitude and outlook is important to us but boy it is hard work. I am grateful for each good day and all the support of family and friends for Nancy. And for all the reminders from all of you that I need to take care of me, too.  I am trying.

Tackle it one day at a time!

Thanks Edie.

Our cruise ends tomorrow in Cape Town

Last Thursday all I wrote in the blog was--IT IS SNOWING!!  It was a ten minute flurry.  This Thursday is Thanksgiving and a wet snowy mix has left the trees and ground white while it mostly melted on the roads and driveways.  It is the pretty part of winter and I always say, if it is going to be cold at least there should be snow.

Today we are thankful for our friends and family who have poured out an enormous amount of support in the last five and a half weeks.  It seems like a lifetime ago that this journey began but it is really just a blink of the eye.  I am running out of words and ways to say thank you, just know how important you have all been and how grateful we are that you are part of our lives and have touched our hearts.

A friend asked if today was a good day--yes it was.  Sue and I got up early to get the turkey in the oven for an early meal.  A morning spent getting ready, resting, peeling potatoes, sweet potatoes and apples, and finishing up the cooking.  Guests Lin, Gabe and Hannah arrived at noon and we put Gabe and Hannah to work decorating the Christmas tree.  All the finishing touches on the meal and we sat down to eat around one.  I took a little bit of everything and slowly made my way through a full plate.  Sue thinks it is the most she has seen me eat in 6 months.  So good food, good friends and family and good conversation.  Between dinner and dessert came a few rounds of Catch Phrase which added more laughter to the mix. Pie and ice cream and the end of a very enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner.  Today could not have been better.

Having no chemo last week lulled me into thinking I could leave cancer behind for a few days.  No such luck.  Intermittent nausea kept me focused on trying to eat and wondering why this is happening so long after chemo.  No answers yet, but hopefully tomorrow will mimic today.  The other major chemo event was the coming of day 19.  That is the day Leslie told me I would lose my hair.  I woke up and took a shower and then let Sue know the time had come.  Clippers in hand she gave me a 1/8 inch buzz cut.  We both shed a few tears and when I looked in the mirror all I could say was, "uh-oh". I still see my reflection in the computer and/or mirror and am surprised I have no hair.  I am not yet  used to the look as part of my identity.  It is cute though and I am amassing a collection of wonderful hats to keep me warm as winter settles in.

We had a good week, Gopher Women's basketball, they won again, The Wizard of Oz play at the
Children's Theater Company--which was wonderful!!  Lunch with Kim Koeppen with stories of Hamline, family and even some cancer talk.  I got to walk outside several days which is more motivating than the treadmill. We saw the Hunger Games movie, ok but not great, lots of grocery shopping, baked some cookies--a recipe from the chef on our tug boat adventure this summer. Driving by Day by Day Cafe at lunch time led to an impromptu lunch out--hooray for grilled cheese!

I have a plug for Delta airlines--we cancelled next years trips and with that called to cancel our air portion of the trips.  Non-refundable, they offered to wave the change fee and give us a year to rebook.  That seemed unlikely so with a note from Nancy's doctor we sent off a letter, vowing to use Delta when we are cleared to travel.  Got word yesterday that all the flights would be refunded--including 2 international business class trips.  They did not have to do it, but we are grateful that they did.  We always hear about the bad things that happen with airlines, so thought we would share a good story.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

We were supposed to be on a long cruise: 2 sea days, Abidjan, Ghana, Togo

Saturday-Wednesday Newport MN....

So I have had high platelets for about 6 years for no known reason. Finally found a way to bring the numbers crashing down. Two doses of chemo. So no chemo today since they dipped below the safe to go ahead number. Saw my doc and he was reassuring that this is par for the course and does not inhibit the effectiveness of the overall chemo regimen. I am off for two weeks, this one unplanned and next week planned. Back to appointments Dec 1. My brother and I meet with the genetics counselor and labs, then chemo on Wed. He is staying the week.

Had my first crash and burn day yesterday.  Had it before I learned my platelets were down so after that I called my friend Leslie--a chemo nurse in Long Island.  She helped me understand that this happens.  The mood carried over a little today but the doc helped with that.  I was just plain tired yesterday, and the weather which matched my mood did not help.  I was surprised to feel that way so far removed from chemo day and after a good day Monday where Sue and I got lots accomplished.  So it is good to know that there will be days like that and we can get through them.  Note from Sue:  she followed Nancy right down the dinker do's.  It was full blown pity party.

So in other news--The gopher women's basketball game was fun.  It was early which was good for me, Friday's is at 7 so I will have to rest up before we go.  We went to a Christmas market in River Falls on Saturday and stopped by Kim and Lin's house to return the chicken soup pot.  I did not ask for a refill yet since we have plenty left over.  We also stopped at the condo we bought in Cottage Grove and are renting to a friend.  The renovations Darin and Mark did are great and Gerrie's furniture fits well so all is good.  

Monday we got into the closet under the stairs in the lower level.  Lots of framed posters and empty frames to go to the thrift shop.  Found a picture of Nancy's sixth grade class in NJ and posted that on a class email.  Caused lots of interest and now someone posted it on Facebook.  Someone said it was a hot miserable afternoon which may be why so many of us look so grumpy.  Sue couldn't find me in the picture--not my finest hour.  Fun to hear people's recollections of events/classmates as stories emerge.  

Got an email from Jill in Phoenix--she decided to join team Nancy and got her hair buzzed--almost a Hawkeye mohawk.   For the moment it is shorter than mine!  Mine is getting long so if it does not fall out I may have to get it cut again so I can keep it spiked.  We are headed back downstairs this afternoon to see what else we can purge--see the fruits of our labor.  Yesterday was the day to try to deal with Sue's computer glitches and overfull storage....not much satisfaction as it is a slow process and we did not get much to show for it.  Regular life can be kind of uneventful--not a bad thing.

Thank you, thank you everyone for cards, pictures, good wishes and gifts--our new "strong" and "awesome" socks and a fleece buff will be welcome uniform additions to keep us warm and on the right path.  Thanks Liz and Judy & Bryan.

A little behind.....

Our friends on the cruise have been at sea, to Cape Verde, sea, Senegal, and Gambia...Sunday-Friday

I guess it is a good thing that life seems a little more settled this week.  The 3 week whirlwind of diagnosis, tests, confirmation, appointments, questions, shock, treatment plans and first chemo has given way to a week of visits with friends, movies, chores, trying to eat enough fruits and veggies and drink lots of water, continued facility with self administered shots and a second round of chemo.

Toni Holweger from Madison came by Sunday am with scones from Keys bakery/restaurant.  Jan and her sister came back after the birthday party and we all had fun visiting and chatting about this and that.  Later in the afternoon Jan, Jeannie, Sue and I went to a lake in Woodbury to take a walk, the weather was absolutely perfect.  Jeannie and I fast tracked it and I managed to keep up.  My daily walking is paying off.  They were on their way back to KC Monday morning and Sue and I can not remember what else we did that day except that a package arrived.  Big White Unnamed Bear showed up on the doorstep.  Soft and cuddly and open to being thrown across the room as needed or squeezed tightly.  You can talk to it, swear at it, sing (but I won't) or carry it around as a conversation piece.  It was my job to name him.  I tried several names but he is now Leo Raoul Big Bear.  He goes by Raoul.  Leo was my great uncle and I never knew anyone who could keep a twinkle in his eye and a positive attitude more than him.  Raoul was a big bird along the Amazon who followed us all the way down the path to visit the tribal shaman.  He stayed during the blessing ceremony and walked us back to camp.  Figured he would be a good companion on this journey.

Oh yeah, our memory is returning, Sue's cousin Kim made us a huge pot of chicken noodle soup so we drove to River Falls to pick that up.  Had a nice bowl with Kim and a good visit.  Headed home watching out for deer on the road but only saw one when we got to our hill.  Found a Harry and David package of apples and cheese. Thanks Lisa and Diane.  Yum.  Thanks Gina for the coloring book and pencils.  Love it and carry it with me to chemo.  Now I have one at home from Barbara and one more portable for chemo.  Thanks everyone for continued cards, emails, pictures and prayers.  I feel them all.

Tuesday Comcast showed up unannounced to put a filter on our cable.  We had asked for a new line...He scheduled a new line to be put in Thursday and we were off to meet Mary Margaret and Phyllis for lunch at Panera.  Had a good visit with them.  Phyllis continues rehab and is getting around better then ever.  After lunch we hit Costco and then the movies to see Spectre--good but not the best of 007.  It was dark when we came out of the theater--such is the reality of MN winter moving in.

Wednesday chemo was at 11:40 so I had time to walk before had.  We off with our packed lunch, books, iPads, phones and assorted things.  I feel like I am moving in.  We were in the outer room this time which gave us activity to watch but left much of our brought activities left undone. My white blood count low so the dose of chemo was reduced.  I had been afraid they would cancel so was happy that the does decrease could keep the process moving along.  There was a lot less stress this time.  I don't know if you can tell in the picture or not--this is my short hair chemo picture, next one....I called my chemo nurse friend in NY Wednesday night.  Told her I was feeling good, she said that is the steroids they give you.  I accept.  Sue says, "Can I have some!  Just the steroids."

Didn't sleep well--steroids, but got some reading done and caught up on Facebook.  I know, you shouldn't turn on iPhones late at night but that's the way it goes.

Thursday was a big day, high on steroids as it was.  Sue was high on Nancy's high.  I was tired but kept going.  We started with Comcast, no orders for a new line, here we go again.  The guy was great and spent almost 4 hours here--it took all of us to come with a good plan but in the end we have a new line and the internet is working.  Somewhere in the middle of that the siding guy came to do some repairs after we moved a deck.  He spent the day, through the sun and then the cold winds of the late afternoon.  Before he left, 2nd Wind Exercise showed up to deliver our new recumbent bike which has a home in the family room.  In the middle of all that we changed out some tv equipment, went through old papers to shred, shredded, rested, and supervised all the goings on.  Pooped out in the evening.  Sue says I am learning to be management instead of labor, my supervising skills are improving--though I think I did a lot of labor yesterday.

Friday--so much for facility with shots, had a hard time drawing the dose out of the vial and then OUCH, that hurt.  Not sure why each day can be so different.  Nothing I can't handle but ouch.

Sunny cold beautiful day, more chores and our first Gopher Women's basketball game this evening at 5:30  Glad it is an early game, can't do the men's game afterwards, too much.  Looking forward to the weekend.

Funchal, Santa Cruz de la Palma, Sant Cruz de Tenerife

Thursday, Friday, Saturday....

Thursday:  I told someone today that I am in the honeymoon phase, so far no side effects from the chemo but I suspect they can still hit at any time and I have been warned that as the chemo builds, so too might the side effects.  One of my current mantras--I am healthier today than I was yesterday.  So far my body is not giving me any clues to the contrary so I am sticking to it.

Had a fun encounter with a 68 year old gentleman at the lab the other day.  He saw my Lynx hat and asked if I like the Lynx.  We talked of the Lynx, Lindsey, the gophers and Rachel Banham, his football career starting in high school with Denny Green.  Then his previous and current connections to the Vikes and Gopher football.  He goes to all the gopher women's bball games and sits behind the bench--I told him I would look for him there.

Big first day giving myself a shot!  When I started testing my blood it took 40 minutes to do the first finger prick with much coaching and support from Mary and Colleen.  Set up, poke and injection only took 15 minutes this time.  What an improvement.  I should be able to get it down to five, we had hiccups today but nothing we could not handle.  Fortunately it did not burn as much as yesterday so the future looks bright.

Just had a short November thunderstorm.  Fun and totally unexpected and very appreciative that is was not snow. Its a quiet chore day, phone calls, filing, etc so the gray weather helps us stay put in the office.  Sue says this new routine is like a work week for it.  Tuesday is blood tests, Wednesday is work/chemo day, Thursday and Friday will be recovery days and then we get a long 3 day weekend-Saturday, Sunday and Monday for fun.

Nita and Rick left Madeira heading to the Canary Islands and coast of Africa.  We love the pictures that they are sending us.  We asked them to have a burger at the grill and dinner on the back deck for us--they also like those parts of the boat and had already been there, done that.  Nita said that a cat was following them home from Madeira for Nancy, we told them to feed it, turns out it is wooden so feeding wouldn't be a good idea.

Friday:  So second shot day, took about 10 minutes this time....onward.

Sue and I both got haircuts today, we cut my hair in a ponytail to donate for wigs for cancer patients.  Turns out some of the groups will accept hair even with some gray in it.  Eddie did a great job and left me enough hair to have fun with for the next few weeks.  Sue is still trying to get used to my changed look.  It has been many years since I have had short hair.

After haircuts we went on the search for our chicken noodle soup--first store had one, next none and the third had seven.  So we have enough for a while and now know where to find it in the future--thank you Whole Foods.  Next we picked up our friend Jan from Canada.  She is in town with her sister and brother in law to go to a 90th birthday party.  She stayed with us Friday night and will come back on Sunday with her sister for the night.  We had a good visit Friday afternoon and Mary and Colleen came over for dinner.  We all had a good time, good conversations and stories and a few laughs every now and again.  Note to self:  stop missing naps.

Saturday:  Shot 3--5 minutes.  This one hurt but not so much that I will stop.

Off to the mall with Jan, Nancy walked around a lap while Sue and Jan ate lunch.  Nancy ate earlier.  Then we all walked around and shopped for MN shirts for Jan.  Nancy is in the market for new hats so we found a few of those as well.  Jan also bought one to me from Kansas City--Kitty Hat with two ears, very cute.  Dropped her off for her party, drove home and took in that nap.

My new theme song.."will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 64...."  (I am 61) And lucky for me, Sue says Yes!

Jan Unander, Nancy (in case you didn't recognize her) and Sue

Lisbon and At Sea, Tuesday and Wednesday

Tuesday—Today the second part of the trip begins with an evening departure from Lisbon.  Our friends Rick and Nita should be on board and on their way down the coast of Africa.  We would have enjoyed the at sea day as the first part of the trip was non stop shore excursions and sight seeing.

Another beautiful day so Sue and I did some errands and went down the hill for an early lunch at our local restaurant-Polar Cafe.  Nancy has been enjoying their blueberry oatcakes left over with added blueberries.  Seems like a good way to start the day. 

We put the 350 Z away for the winter, parked in the garage, covered and attached to the trickle charger.  Of course I had to make my yearly call to Jeff to find out how to make the connection.  Thanks Jeff.

I spent the afternoon at a genetics counselor, two people in one family with pancreatic cancer throws up some questions.  If any of my genes show inherited mutations then my brother, niece and nephew might want to consider testing.  It might help them figure out methods of early screening and/or preventative actions.  I should get the results in 4 weeks. And I, Sue, think that even now in this time of great stress Nanc is pretty special to be thinking of her family.

Present moment aside—Jessie, the cat, slept all morning while we were out, now she is up and determined to be between Nancy and the computer screen or trying to climb on her shoulder, or trying to type.  She makes us smile but she can be a pest.  A lovable pest.  And she can barely keep her eyes open sitting here….

Caught up on some taped tv shows last night, tried to remain calm, took a bath and watched NCIS—a Tuesday mainstay.

Wednesday—Big chemo day number one.  I went in a nervous wreck. All anticipatory but I couldn’t shake it.  Blood draw, saline, anti nausea med, shot, first chemo drug, second chemo drug—that one was uncomfortable going in, more saline.  9-12.  IV came out and my stress melted, I really was wound tight.  We have received lots of emails, texts and calls from family and friends all over the country.  We can’t thank you and every one enough for good wishes, pictures, jokes, and thoughts.  Home for lunch, Sue is off the grocery store and I went down to the treadmill for twenty slow minutes before deciding it was enough.  Will try again later.  Came home with more books on chemo and chemo eating ideas.  And of course my kit for shots—I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….

Sue just called, we can not figure out where we bought a certain kind of chicken noodle soup, she is on the hunt, two stores down, one to go.  I seem to do better with an afternoon nap, so I am headed upstairs to do just that.  

Probably will not post again till next week.  Jan from Mayne Island and her sister Jeannie from KC are coming up to a 90th birthday party but will come see us for the rest of the weekend.  I get no new cancer marker numbers for a month though Dr Dan said they may go up the first month as dead cells are pumped into the system and still register. He puts more stock in the second month numbers. Blood tests weekly to see if I can tolerate another round of chemo that week and to monitor both the standard chemo and the trial treatment.  Hair cut Friday, a fun short cut for two weeks or so.

Oh by the way Nancy has a uniform for Chemo and Doc visits. Lynx shirt and hat because they are Champions and so is she says Sue. And on Chemo day socks that came from Jill....Well, this sucks. The nurses  loved them.

Tangier, Seville, Lisbon

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday

Long around last Friday or Saturday I told myself that I belonged here today, tomorrow and the day after.  Re-upping that every day seemed like a good idea.  Then the next morning as I repeated this to myself  my mind jumped to a much better idea--I belong here this year, next year and the year after.

Fun weekend with Scott here.  Saturday late morning we were off to Deb and Jim's to deliver a chop saw and see their grandkids in their halloween costumes, Frozen, a dragon and a spider.  The score of the morning was bunny ears for Nancy.  Scott decided to borrow them as we went for a walk around a nearby lake.  One woman told him to watch out for the dogs who might start chasing him, almost everyone smiled at him.  Bought a new recumbent bike to have in the family room so that I can ride for a few minutes when that is all I can handle.  I have a treadmill downstairs but close and convenient seemed to offer an good alternative option.

Scott and I got into some family  history boxes--pictures, birth certificates, high school diplomas,wedding albums from my parents and, fun notes to and from our father as a baby and young boy. I have another drawer full to go through the next he is in town.  I sent a few things to my cousin Wendy so she could put them on Ancestry.com.  That seems like a good place to keep these treasures.  Wendy has also been my greatest cheer leader.  She is in her own cancer journey and has sent me lots of interesting books and resources.

Sunday we attacked the leaves around the pool.  All the of  us had our tools, Sue the big broom, Scott the blower and Nancy the pool rake to pull the leaves off the pool cover.  We made pretty quick work of that project and Scott and Nancy tightened all the lines on the pool cover  to make it tighter for the winter.  Another walk followed, this one around home so it came with hills--We had a good pace going so got  a good workout.  Got home to find Kim (Sue's cousin) and Lin (her partner) here with homemade beef barley soup and some bread and desserts.  Hmmm good.  Nice visit with a few laughs.

The rest of the day was devoted to football--Seahawks who won and the Packers who unfortunately lost.  We all gave up on the Packer game and Scott and I watched the World Series for a while.  Went to sleep with the Mets winning and woke up with the Kansas City Royals the champs.  Some of you saw our mouse adventure on Facebook.  There was a dead mouse downstairs but Nancy couldn't find it--it ran off with a trap.  Scott went on the hunt and was successful so he and Nancy went down to retrieve it armed with paper towels and an ice chopper.  Found two and the trap so all is good.  Unfortunately it is the time of year for them to come inside looking for a warm cozy home to live in.

We spent a lot of the weekend thinking about the clinical trial and weighing quality of life issues with possibly more side effects.  Scott and I routed through more material this morning and I am more at peace with it as a possibility.  I will decide this afternoon at the docs.  I sent a list of questions to discuss at my appt this morning. His office called to see if I could come in later when he could spend more time with us.  Somewhere in the mid morning my stress level went up as the impending decision and reality of the next stage of the journey is now closer to beginning.   Calmed down enough to have good conversations with the doc and go through the list of questions.  In the end I will be doing the clinical trial.  It is a double blind study, everyone gets standard treatment and some get an extra drug, others placebo.  No particular downside except giving myself shots everyday.  The doc kept telling me that the anticipation is worse then the reality.  Here's hoping.  He continued to say that I look good and have relatively no symptoms so that is a good starting place for Wednesday when chemo and the trial start.  I am good with the decision and feeling positive about what is to come.

Valencia, Cartagena, Malaga, Gibraltar

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday

Dr Dan

First oncologist office appt

Valencia--It seems like weeks ago but it was just Tuesday when we spent about 3 hours with my new oncologist, Dan Schneider.  Lots of questions, info with a bit of laughter thrown in.  We talked about the standard treatment for Pancreatic cancer in anticipation of beginning that next week.  We talked about Mayo, who would have the same treatment and is farther away and we talked about a clinical trial.  Same treatment with an extra drug or placebo.  I want to participate--it may help me, it will help the science of the study, but I am a whimp and worry that it will increase the possible side effects of a fairly well tolerated chemo--and it comes with daily shots.  By Monday I will know what I have decided.  So he let me know that pancreatic cancer treatment has advanced since my sister Kerrin was diagnosed and reminded me that this is my cancer, not hers.  He also said I am entering this from relatively good health, most times he can see the effects of cancer by the time he meets a new patient.  He had 3 Pan can patients by noon.

Cartegena--So we left with a course of action pending the final biopsy results of Wednesday morning.  The rest of the day was as normal as they are these days, Yea!   No food or drink after midnight, morning shower and off to the hospital for the biopsy.  All I have to say about that is--not fun.  Had the Nick train--Nick for transport, Nikki for nurse and Nick for the Doc.  Did not get Nicole though she works in the unit.  4 hour bed rest before going for another CT of my upper chest this time.  That came back all clear which is good thing.  I let everyone know that I was supposed to be elsewhere but decided to come and spend my time with them instead.  It makes for good conversation and stories.

Slept all afternoon.

Malaga--I have added veggies and fruit to all meals and am drinking enough water to float a ship.  Walking on the tread mill when it is raining outside or getting for a walk are all good things.  Emails pictures and cards have been so welcome.  Thank you for all your thoughts, we are truly grateful for such concerned and caring friends and family.  We have decided to dance every day, today (Friday) we danced to Ellen's show while she was dancing--she is good for laughter.

My results were due on Friday but Dr Dan called Thursday afternoon as they had already analyzed the biopsy results.  Confirmed pancreatic cancer cells in the liver.  As expected but turns out it is still hard to hear.  Sue is overcome with sadness that she is fighting hard to get rid of as we focus on the possibilities and positive before us.  To quote her--she is positive she is pissed!!

So what does it all mean--it is different for everyone.  Chemo treatment is once a week for three weeks and one week off. I will lose my hair, so have an appointment for a short haircut next week.  I will be tired, plan on not having nausea, and have to keep eating, walking and drinking even though I will not feel like doing that.  I take chemo as long as it is helping me feel better or live longer.  What is longer, that is the hard part, who knows but we all know that stats that talk about 1-2 years, more or less.  There is no cure but there can be partial remission and a new cure around the corner.  I am sticking around to try it.

I know this is hard to read, it is hard to write.  You are all part of my efforts to remain positive and grateful.

Gibralter--quiet morning Deb and Jim stopped by with 6 individual world famous Jim chicken pot pies.  YEA!! and we have a honey baked turkey from a guy our friend Jenny knows--her husband the CEO. All good so that we can feed my brother Scott who arrives tonight.   Boo--not halloween--Spent the rest of the morning canceling our over seas trips for 2016.  We'll be staying closer to home. Nancy has Mt Rushmore in mind, an October Wedding in NJ, Sedona, New Mexico, Mayne Island and others perking in her head.

Cheers to all, after two days of rain the sun has come out, still some color in the MN fall.  Off to see the Wizard...

Palma de Mallorca or Colonoscopy

First off, the colonoscopy was negative, no polyps, no colon cancer.  So now we wait again for the meeting with the oncologist tomorrow and the liver biopsy on Wednesday. Stopped at the cancer library at the hospital to pick up some more books. There is always more to read.

Had a good day on Sunday--carved a pumpkin which you may have seen on Facebook, discovered a new lake in Woodbury which was a perfect place to walk.  Our friend Deb joined us and told us about her planned trip to Alaska, doing it now, while she can--good advice to everyone.

The other day I told Sue that I would need to become an extrovert to get through this, I've got my part covered but need all the people I can muster to stand in it with me.  One aspect of that is asking for help.  At the hospital this morning I figured out what I could ask for, when I cross your mind give a thumbs up, a smile, a kiss blown to the universe, or whatever sign you have for saying hello to the universe and asking for/being grateful for good things. And yes, your continued prayers.  A few folks have sent pictures, mostly my relatives kids, but I'm always up for a great picture of something that makes you smile.  Many of you have had your own journey with cancer, I am now, belatedly even more understanding and send you extra love, a thumbs up and a smile.

Mundane things are on the list for today, get gas, fix a remote control, put sheets on the bed, maybe grocery shop or at least plan some healthy meals from my new eating plan, pay the bills.  It is
good to keep going.

Here are two pictures, one of me and my cousin's granddaughter and the other an oldie but goodie Sue and her Facebook buddies Liz and Libby were having fun with old pictures of me.  Circa 1980.

Uncharted Territory Journey

Our first message 10/21/15

We are writing to tell you of a big change. We were scheduled to start a journey to Spain and Africa this week. Instead we will be taking a life journey.  Monday we learned that Nancy has a mass on her pancreas and some spots on her liver.  They are relatively sure it is cancer. Today we were at the hospital for a biopsy which was postponed until Wednesday October 28. The first primary care doctor appointment is scheduled and Friday for the first of what we believe could be many many discussions. Currently the first oncologist appointment is scheduled for Tuesday but may also be postponed due to the biopsy.

You can well imagine that we feel like we have been hit by a train. Lots and lots of questions and things to think about.  Only thing we know so far is we will take this thing head on and together. 

We have decided that like our other adventures/journeys we are going to blog this one as well.  So our On The Road Again blog will have thoughts, updates, and ramblings of this journey. 

Our first publishing will be when we get results of biopsy. We will notify you when it's up. After that we suggest you look every so often as we will not notify you of updates and we want this to be at your option.

Lastly, sorry we gave you this news this way. We welcome your positive thoughts and/or prayers.  

Love, 
Nancy and Sue

The update:  10/24/15

Our new journey got named on Monday October 19th.  Clearly we had been traveling it without knowing for some time now.  Nancy’s doc called us while we were out to dinner.  We stood outside and talked to her as she expressed her surprise that the CT scan I had earlier in the day showed a mass on my pancreas and spots on my liver.  Expectation:  Pancreatic cancer. 

So this started with a doctor’s appointment October 13th for abdominal discomfort and occasion pain that would double me over.  First step, maybe Giardia again since I had it before, or parasites.  Nope.  Next step a CT scan with results above.

Friday we learned that a marker for pancreatic cancer was normal, though it is still possible to have pancreatic cancer with these numbers.  A less general number was high and with the symptoms I was presenting my doc and oncologist, who we have not yet met, determined a colonoscopy was in order to determine if this is colon cancer instead.  Colonoscopy is less invasive than the biopsy and if positive then no biopsy needed.  If negative, we go on for the biopsy.

So what are we doing to stay positive, active and in touch.

We have heard from many of you and that has been helpful.  We appreciate all the prayers, good wishes and offers to help.  So far the symptoms are mildish so we are trying to do something fun everyday.  Of course we are reading, reading and reading…The weather has been glorious so we have been on a few outside walks, went to the Y the other day to use their machines.  Took in a good movie, but the lung cancer theme had us in tears most of the way through.  Went to the science museum to see the Humpback movie in IMAX—great.  And discovered our friend Jenny was off work and free for lunch one day so met her before walking at the mall and doing a bit of shopping.  Mary and Co were over today and we went out to find a labyrinth to walk, the first overgrown, the second hard to find but very calming on a beautiful afternoon.  Met Agnes, a 90 year old nun who helped us find it and asked us to say a prayer for her, done.

So obviously this is overwhelming, the unknown leaves us waiting.  We will wait to post more when we have some news.  No one needs to hear about colonoscopy prep!

We canceled our current trip, today was to be day one, in Barcelona.  Tomorrow, Provence and followed by Palma de Mallorca.  Put pictures of those places in your mind to keep the travel theme going. Here are a few local pictures from the week to start things off.  One from a walk, the other the labyrinth.

Crossroads of the Adriatic

Overseas Adventure Travel:  Crossroads of the Adriatic           June 12-28

We left Amsterdam behind and traveled to Dubrovnik via a flight to Vienna.  It was a different perspective to see the Danube from above and a lock that we went through just a few weeks before.  Our first hotel was on the bay where we spent one night before moving to the group hotel and beginning our tour.  We used this travel as a rest day as well--just a short walk along the bay.  A taxi in the morning up the hill to our new hotel and our adventure begins by bus to old town--the location for the fictional city of Kings Landing in the Game of Thrones TV series.   But first a bit of info about Croatia it is slightly smaller than West Virginia with a population of 4.5 million.  Lots of coastline on the Adriatic sea with lots of islands--the Italians are jealous of the islands.  Predominately Roman Catholic.  Croatians invented the first neck tie, solid ink fountain pen, and the automatic pencil.  To give a perspective about the political history of the country, our tour guide told us her grandmother lived in the same house her entire life but lived under five different political systems.  Austro-Hungarian empire, first Yugoslavia Kingdom, Nazi Croatia Independent State of Croatia, Socialist Yugoslavia, Democratic Republic of Croatia.

The crowning jewel of Croatia, the old town is built on a rocky spur at the southern most point of Croatia.  It is known for it's medieval walls historic monuments.  It is fortress city that served as a fleet base for trade between Europe and the Middle East.  We roamed main street and enjoyed the harbor for awhile before returning via some side alleys.  After pizza in a small cafe we wondered some more side streets and eventually succumbed to the heat and took our bus ride home.  We met our group for orientation and dinner at the hotel.  

June 14 and we are off.  Up for breakfast and a bus ride back to the old city where we climbed up to the top of the wall and walked about half of the mile long circle.  The view from here included rooftops, drying laundry on lines, gardens, cats and overhead views of alleys and the ocean.  This city state was basically autonomous from 1358 to 1808 and is endowed with a wealth of historic architecture.  After climbing down we joined our local guide to visit a city and monastery museum and to hear a bit more of the historical stories of the place.  In the monetary we discovered one of Europe's oldest, continuously running pharmacies, established in 1317.  The Dominicans had a monastery on one end of town, the Franciscans on the other. One of the other interesting facts was that an orphanage was here some 500 years ago.  Babies could be dropped of anonymously through a lazy-susan type window.  They were then sent to foster homes until they were old enough to return and be adopted.

After the tour we found the buza, or whole in the wall, that took us through the wall to the cafe on the Adriatic.  We watched adventurous swimmers dive in off the rocks into the deep waters and enjoyed a cool coke zero--our exotic drink of choice.  Our intention was to head back but following a new alley brought us to the bottom of sweeping staircase.  We had to investigate and found a square and St Ignatious cathedral.  Built into the side cliff wall was a grotto dedicated to the Virgin Mary.  Speaking of churches, the walled city had byzantine, baroque, and romanesque architecture in its cathedrals.  

This evening we went to the cable car to ascend to the hilltop for a view of the city from above.

Sea Bass for dinner at a local restaurant topped off a perfect first day of our tour.

June 15

A driving day south into Montenegro on our way to Kotor.  Montenegro is a tiny country, smaller than Connecticut with a population of 653,000.  It is drop dead gorgeous especially along the bay and the drive through the rugged alpine mountains.  At Parest, a city with Venetian architecture and historic stone churches, we boarded a boat to visit the baroque shrine, Our Lady of the Rocks on a manmade islet.  Legend says that fisherman saw the Virgin Mary on the reef and began to drop stones on the spot each time they completed a successful voyage,  We showed our respect by bringing stones from shore to add to the islet foundation.  Above the door in the alter room are gifts from brides who give a gift and tribute to Our Lady after the wedding.  And throughout the museum, gifts from people who have had successful journeys are left as tributes and mementos.  

From Wikipedia:  Our Lady of the Rocks is one of the two islets off the coast of Perast in Bay of Kotor, Montenegro (the other being Sveti Đorđe Island). It is an artificial island created by bulwark of rocks and by sinking old and seized ships loaded with rocks. The Roman Catholic Church of Our Lady of the Rocks(is the largest building on the islet; it has a museum attached. 

According to legend, the islet was made over the centuries by local seamen who kept an ancient oath after finding the icon of Madonna and Child on the rock in the sea on July 22, 1452. Upon returning from each successful voyage, they laid a rock in the Bay. Over time, the islet gradually emerged from the sea.

The church contains 68 paintings by Tripo Kokolja, a famous 17th-century baroque artist from Perast. His most important painting, ten meters long, is The Death of the Virgin. TThe church also houses a collection of silver votive tablets and a famous votive tapestry embroidered by Jacinta Kunić-Mijović from Perast. It took her 25 years to finish it while waiting for her darling to come from a long journey, and eventually, she became blind. She used golden and silver fibres but what makes this tapestry so famous is the fact that she also embroidered her own hair in it. The bottom angels contain her brown hair and the higher ones the white hair as she aged. 

Our boat took us to Kotor, further up the bay.  We could have stayed on the boat all day as the ride was beautiful and peaceful.  They bay looks like a fjord but is a ria, a submerged river canyon.  Kotor is another walled city built during the Venetian period between the 12th and 14th centuries.  We had a tour with a local guide and then were on our own for lunch--pizza--and wandering the narrow alleys.  Visited four churches, there were more, and marveled at their differences in style and ambiance.  It is a UNESCO site that was restored after a 1979 earthquake that destroyed half of the town.  The hike up the hill to the fortress was an option offered to us, but the trail looked steep and rocky, uninteresting and very very hot.  Nobody went.

Bus ride back to Dubrovnik included a ten minute ferry ride for the bus.  When you look at the picture included can you imagine four big coaches on this?

July 16

A travel day to Sarajevo with some interesting stops along the way.  We crossed into Bosnia, back to Croatia and into Bosnia again.  Passports out, in, out and scanned and off we go.  The fields are covered with orange trees yet to blossom and a roadside stop produced peaches and dried orange rind with sugar.  All sweet, delicious and could be addicting.  First stop, Mostar.  Here the cultures of the Middle East and Western Europe mingled.  The river divided the two into Muslim and Croat sections.  A bridge over the river was destroyed in 1993 during the breakup of the former Yugoslavia.  It has been rebuilt and is a UNESCO World Heritage Site standing as a symbol of reconciliation and continued peace.  The old town maintains its medieval charm with bazaar stalls lining the narrow cobblestone streets.  Young men collect money on the bridge and when they have received enough they dive from the bridge into the seemingly shallow river.  We had a delicious traditional lunch, essentially a stew served in individual pots.

Next stop, Neretva bridge.  We had been following the Neretva river most of the day and stopped in Jablanica.

From Wikipedia:  During the Battle of the Neretva in 1943, Jablanica was the site of a successful raid by a group of Partisans led by Josip Broz Tito. A rail bridge over the river was blown up while a train was in the middle of crossing. There is a park and monument commemorating this action at the site. The bridge section and the locomotive which can still be seen in the river gorge are the remains of a film set depicting the battle, from the 1960s.  

On the site is a museum commemorating the battle for the wounded, an effort spearheaded by Tito to move 4,000 wounded civilians and soldiers out of harms way.  They crossed the river by climbing the fallen bridge (which they had bombed themselves)  at night to escape the Germans who thought they would be going another direction after the destruction of the bridge.  The director of the museum came out and invited us in for a short tour.  It was all spur of the moment and his passion was evident as he shared the history of the bridge, battle and subsequent filming of the oscar nominated movie.  


By the end of the day we were in Sarajevo.  A walk through old town took us to another traditional meal--a giant pita bread with small mince meat sausages.  We were skeptical but after the first bite we were hooked and could not get enough.

June 17.  It is pouring rain and we are headed out for a walking tour of town....oh my.  Sarajevo was founded in the 15th century by the Ottomans.  Talk about multi-cultural, these folks lived it, with Muslims, Serbs, Croats, Turks, Jews and other call coexisting.  After Istanbul, it was the most important trade city in the Balkans.  Here you could hear the calls to prayer from Mosques, Synagogues and Churches all at the same time.  During World War II the Jews were hidden from the Nazi's by their Muslim neighbors and many returned the favor during the subsequent war.  Sarajevo hosted the 1984 Olympics and in the early 90's all hell broke loose.  For 3.5 years the Bosnian Serbs pounded the besieged town with artillery and sniper fire.  Our tour of old town included a 16th century mosque complex, a visit to the bridge where the Austrian Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated which began the events that sparked WWI.  We took refuge from the rain in a museum of the history of the city dating back to 15th century.

The afternoon brought lighter rain but we took the opportunity to rest and relax.  


June 18.  Today we focused on the recent history including the war during the 1990's.  Where ever we went in Sarajevo, old and new town, there are reminders of the violence of war. High rise apartments, homes and sidewalks all have sniper scares or evidence of mortar damage.  Where

 
ever a mortar resulted in a death, a red "sarajevo rose" was made by poring red resin into and around the scarring. Everyone living here today was touched deeply by loss and the efforts to maintain a normal life, resist and survive.  There was a small corridor between the Bosnian hold city and mountains, however transport over this corridor was dangerous due to sniper fire.  Towns people dug a .5 mile tunnel under the most treacherous part.  Some 3 million trips carrying supplies, food, weapons and people were taken back and forth through the tunnel.  We met the owner of the house next to tunnel entrance near the airport.  He had worked on digging the tunnel and driving transport trucks during the war.  


We were scheduled to talk with a woman about her personal story of the war but she is off being an observer in the Ukraine so her husband came.  He spoke of trying to maintain daily life, with daily funerals of friends, relatives, and neighbors.   One day there was peace, the next the all hell broke loose. In all 4 million grenades exploded causing damage from flying road pieces and shrapnel  in close city quarters.  The city was totally surrounded so he spoke of not getting food, electricity was shut off, water was unavailable, all the trees in town were burned for heat and women burned shoes to cook.  Everyone lost 20-30 kilos.  1600 of the cities 11,000 children died and there is touching monument to them.  Because of the Olympics, the communication system in town was impervious to the attempts to cut off communications.  Other important lifelines were a sense of humor, attempts to create theater and musical productions, and even a Miss Sarajevo contest.  We were humbled by his presence and forthcoming information.  While people believed this was a civil, it was not, since each country of the former Yugoslavia was now independent.  The war ended soon after Clinton aided in the bombing of the Serbs as he declared we could no longer stand by and watch ethnic cleansing and systematic mass rape.

The reality of the recent history continued into our conversation where we (five of us) were hosted by a woman and her 23 year old daughter.  We spoke of many things including the hardships she endured as a young mother.  We were inspired by her strength and resolve and questioned our own abilities to persevere in such times.  Our dinner was delightful and delicious.  We spoke of the importance of family, the closeness of families in Sarajevo (as she is helping raise her two grandsons) and her hope for a better future for those children.  We laughed and shared stories and were glad to have this opportunity to interact with local residents in an intimate manner.

June 19--Off to the village.  Another driving day heading into the breadbasket of the county.  Up to now the landscape has been mountainous or coastal, and now it is flat--"the highest mountain is a cabbage."  Our terrific driver and fine tour leader took us through an out of the way border crossing which saved us hours and brought to a delightful town where we had an ice cream break and spent time in the local cathedral.  Wow.  It was stunning, some simplicity and some ornate elaborate statuary and paintings.