Pre Christmas and we are home

Sunday December 20

Tuesday was blood test day again, my platelets went up, 112 to 116, and my WBC stayed just above the lower limit so chemo was a go.  Sue and I found ourselves dancing around the office, excited to be able to do chemo.  Go figure.  This was the first time I did three rounds (although it seems longer this is only month two of treatment) so I was curious about how I would react.  Wednesday was fine and I even managed to stay up after treatment instead of napping.  I walked slowly on the treadmill and fell into bed early.  Unfortunately steroids are good for some things but apparently not for sleeping.

Thursday we tried to get Adele tickets for July.  Who gets them when we push the button at 10, wait for 20-30 minutes for our turn and of course they are gone.  There were two days available so we were on different computers, one for each day, each with the same result.  Guess you have to push before 10 to be in the first wave....so it goes.

I was cleared to travel to Milwaukee for an overnight.  We left Jessie and Raoul home together to take care of each other.  Terri, Sue's niece, was graduating from nursing school, Kim their cousin was pinning Terri and her Dad, fiancee, daughter, aunt, and friend were there as well  The flight was easy--I slept.  We had dinner and then went to the ceremony which was nice.  We were all very proud of her.  Drinks and appetizers after in the bar and then at 9:00 I faded.  I was pretty proud of myself as well.  But I crashed on Friday.  Sue and I got up slowly and headed over to Terri's to visit with her, Eric and Bob.  A little breakfast and I hit the sofa and got up several hours later.  A little lunch and I hit the sofa, sitting this time but still pretty tired.  Where are those steroids when you need them.  So I decided that I apparently am sick, I couldn't have done anything else if I tried.  Got some energy in time to go to the airport, another easy flight, I read this time.  Came home to the cold and just couldn't get warm so ate dinner took a warm bath and crawled into bed.  Feeling better this morning.

I have to thank Sue for trying to keep me from getting winter sickness, she lets me off at the door in the rain and picks me up at the door in the cold, trying to keep colds and flu at bay. Yesterday we went to a One Voice Concert at Hamline.  Our friend Colleen sings in the choir.  Fun holiday music and of course the "12 days of Christmas" sing along.  Groups around the room get a day and have to stand up to sing when their day comes along.  You guessed it, we got the first day of Christmas.  And then everyone stands for 5 golden rings....The show started at 3:00, my nap time so a little rest during the first half

and I was ready for the challenge.  Made it!  But next year I want to be in the "12th day of Christmas" group.

It has been fun to be getting Christmas cards, letters and greetings from friends and family.  It is always nice to be in touch and catch up.  Hoping for some snow this week.  This is my week off, how lucky is that!  Happy Solstice tomorrow.  Wishing everyone Peace and Happiness.

Every day is different

Wednesday December 9--Boy it turns out chemo day took it out of both of us today.  A stop at the PO to mail Christmas packages, then Target for a few things and then home where Nancy went straight to bed.  A good 2 1/2 hour nap.  We talked about spaghetti for dinner and now after Sue's low key afternoon we are moving to the idea of cereal.  My nausea from the past two weeks is for the most part gone so eating and sleeping are both easier.

Yesterday was blood test day, a bathtub fix at the condo-two trips, finished wrapping packages to go and gifts that stay here, another long nap and still I was dragging and down in the dinker dos again.  It comes out of nowhere.  Fortunately my blood tests were a go for chemo, now I just have to will my platelets to stay up for next week--wish that was all it took.  When I tell people at chemo that I am tired they nod and say, "well yes, that is what happens with chemo."  Can it happen to someone else please and/or give me a little warning?  I periodically just melt into tears over nothing.  Saturday night I didn't want to be downstairs alone on the treadmill--good thing there is a bike upstairs.

My toque from Gisele and Peter

People think we are busier now than when we were home between trips.  The difference--all our activities make the list, they are the exciting components rather than the in-between chores we used to do.  It is hard to be too busy when we sleep late, eat breakfast, take a shot, get organized, maybe go out, eat lunch, get home in time to nap, walk for half an hour, hang out in the office, eat dinner and go to bed early.  We pack the time when we are out very full, but it is never really very long.

Aretha sings Pink Cadillac 

This week included a trip to the vet (Jessie is very healthy), art shows, a basketball game, dinner out, a post wedding party, walks at the mall (where I continue to pose patiently for pictures, visits with friends, an outing to Costco with lunch at Bambu where we get our favorite chicken and potato dish and watching Green Bay win tonight.  And the big news, I am cleared to fly to Milwaukee on Thursday to see Terri graduate from nursing school.  Pretty cool on all fronts.

I am practicing being grateful when people want to help, when Sue wants to drop me at the front door of places when it is raining.  I do not feel sick, I do not want to be sick, I want everything to turn back to normal.  So if I bite when I should smile, I apologize.  As some friends say--we are all learning how to do this cancer thing, and my part of that is to learn to be grateful in the moment.  In the big picture I am ever so grateful for all of you who read my blog, send prayers out loud or silently and walk with me on this journey.  There is no way that I could do it without each and everyone one of you.

At the vet

There is a long term to all of this that needs lots of hope and positivity that so easily gets lost in the moment--I go back to my morning mantra.  I am healthier today than yesterday, I am here today, tomorrow and the next day and then I am here this year, next year and the year after.  I keep my animal posse with me--the raven, the eagle, the spirit bear and the whale.

And in the meantime, a chemo quirk.  My hair is still falling out but some of the hair that remains is growing, it is less prickly and has little tufts in places.  I also have a dark triangle shaped spot right in the middle of my forehead, the rest is gray.   I keep telling Sue I need a haircut.  How weird is all that.

Not sure where the time goes.

What's been happening:  Before Scott came we finished decorating the tree--it looks good this year.  We had to clear out the ice and leaves from on top of the gutter guards, ice was dripping down on to the driveway. We walked at the mall over the weekend, not Black Friday as Sue inadvertently suggested at one point, and Nancy found her peeps there, posing with a few at Nordstrom's.  Mostly a quiet weekend resting up after Thanksgiving and enjoying leftovers.

Scott, my brother, was here Monday to Friday.  Of course the snowblower did not start on Monday when we needed it, but the driveway plowers arrived in time.  Scott and I went to the genetics counselor together to get the results of possible hereditary causes for my cancer.  Turns out my sister and I have familial pancreatic cancer but I do not have any known genes which would have put me at risk.  Good news for my brother and my nieces and nephews--they do not have to follow the genetics path and increased risk that can come with that.

After a walk outside we sent to see Creed to celebrate and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Good like the first Rocky movie and invoked that memory at all the right times.  Wednesday was the doc and chemo.  I laid out my two weeks of nausea and vomiting and asked for help.   Left with more pills to add to the ones I had gained during the two weeks.  It is Sunday, no nausea since Tuesday.....Keep your fingers crossed.  Not sure how I will figure out which arm of the assault did the trick, but will just keep riding the wave for now.  Lay low night after an outside walk and Scott and I started a jigsaw puzzle.  Thursday we went to the mall to walk and shop.

Sue and I go to Loaves and Fishes with Mary and Colleen's Rotary club so Scott joined us for that.  We help prepare dinner, serve up meals, deliver the meals to our guests, do dishes, clean up and scrub up. Had only a little over 100 folks this time which is low. Food was not our favorite but guests were ok with it. Flour soft shells with turkey or beef, peppers and onions, salad, fruit, and black bean soup. Had a good crew so it went smoothly and was a fun night.  It is a good group of people, clients and helpers included.

Watched the Green Bay game but all of us went to bed before the final game winning play. Yea Pack!  Never give up....is the lesson learned.

Scott left Friday, Sue and I went to an art show downtown St Paul and then I had a massage--followed by a two hour nap.  This seems to be about the time that the up from chemo steroids wears off and sleep feels good.  Saturday we went to two art shows (found a few gifts) and a men's basketball game, with a new hat, and a women's basketball game tonight.  David came over this morning and we worked on Patty's estate. Almost done. Yea. So I can't figure out why I (we) am (are) tired and my(our) to do list is growing.

What I really wonder is whether to set aside time each day to meditate/do guided imagery to keep stoking the positive attitude I need to keep going, write, read and exercise or....just go do all the other stuff and let that be the manifestation of a positive attitude.  I think there is an answer that has some balance of both of these, not to mention my naps.  I just have to work harder to schedule the mental health time and be sure to keep doing all that I can as an important forward momentum.  To that end, it is nap time, Sue will read this and add what I have forgotten, then we will add pictures.

Chemo and shots are both going well, chemo dose was lowered due to last month's platelet tank--they were up to 357 this week.  My hair continues to thin--I call it that awkward in-between stage. It is so hard to keep it controlled....my hats are fun. It is confusing that chemo and my shots are the reminders that I have cancer, oh and the hair, but other then the 2 weeks of nausea I have no symptoms.  I still know that chemo can build up and symptoms can change as we go forward, for now I am grateful that everything can be handled and allows room for doing things that let the time fly.

Post Script from Sue:  I have to stop watching Nancy exercise and really do it with her!!!!!!
I seemed to have just stopped. And to deal with all this I have to not eat more. My stomach which has always been an issue and  is now really going nuts. So eating more or junk just makes it worse. (Nancy here--that popcorn at the game yesterday just tasted so good) We have maintained our sense of humor and fun but I must admit that I am prone to tears and sadness much more than I ever have been. Keeping the great attitude and outlook is important to us but boy it is hard work. I am grateful for each good day and all the support of family and friends for Nancy. And for all the reminders from all of you that I need to take care of me, too.  I am trying.

Tackle it one day at a time!

Thanks Edie.