Every day is different

Wednesday December 9--Boy it turns out chemo day took it out of both of us today.  A stop at the PO to mail Christmas packages, then Target for a few things and then home where Nancy went straight to bed.  A good 2 1/2 hour nap.  We talked about spaghetti for dinner and now after Sue's low key afternoon we are moving to the idea of cereal.  My nausea from the past two weeks is for the most part gone so eating and sleeping are both easier.

Yesterday was blood test day, a bathtub fix at the condo-two trips, finished wrapping packages to go and gifts that stay here, another long nap and still I was dragging and down in the dinker dos again.  It comes out of nowhere.  Fortunately my blood tests were a go for chemo, now I just have to will my platelets to stay up for next week--wish that was all it took.  When I tell people at chemo that I am tired they nod and say, "well yes, that is what happens with chemo."  Can it happen to someone else please and/or give me a little warning?  I periodically just melt into tears over nothing.  Saturday night I didn't want to be downstairs alone on the treadmill--good thing there is a bike upstairs.

My toque from Gisele and Peter

People think we are busier now than when we were home between trips.  The difference--all our activities make the list, they are the exciting components rather than the in-between chores we used to do.  It is hard to be too busy when we sleep late, eat breakfast, take a shot, get organized, maybe go out, eat lunch, get home in time to nap, walk for half an hour, hang out in the office, eat dinner and go to bed early.  We pack the time when we are out very full, but it is never really very long.

Aretha sings Pink Cadillac 

This week included a trip to the vet (Jessie is very healthy), art shows, a basketball game, dinner out, a post wedding party, walks at the mall (where I continue to pose patiently for pictures, visits with friends, an outing to Costco with lunch at Bambu where we get our favorite chicken and potato dish and watching Green Bay win tonight.  And the big news, I am cleared to fly to Milwaukee on Thursday to see Terri graduate from nursing school.  Pretty cool on all fronts.

I am practicing being grateful when people want to help, when Sue wants to drop me at the front door of places when it is raining.  I do not feel sick, I do not want to be sick, I want everything to turn back to normal.  So if I bite when I should smile, I apologize.  As some friends say--we are all learning how to do this cancer thing, and my part of that is to learn to be grateful in the moment.  In the big picture I am ever so grateful for all of you who read my blog, send prayers out loud or silently and walk with me on this journey.  There is no way that I could do it without each and everyone one of you.

At the vet

There is a long term to all of this that needs lots of hope and positivity that so easily gets lost in the moment--I go back to my morning mantra.  I am healthier today than yesterday, I am here today, tomorrow and the next day and then I am here this year, next year and the year after.  I keep my animal posse with me--the raven, the eagle, the spirit bear and the whale.

And in the meantime, a chemo quirk.  My hair is still falling out but some of the hair that remains is growing, it is less prickly and has little tufts in places.  I also have a dark triangle shaped spot right in the middle of my forehead, the rest is gray.   I keep telling Sue I need a haircut.  How weird is all that.